Passing through life

Sunday, April 27, 2008

sheeshh.... i just so loved it!!!!

so my friend here just made something out of an ordinary photo..... i just soooo loved it!!!!






note to self: needs to have tutorial lessons on photoshop *evil grin


Updates:

so, he is back now. it was kind of awkward at first. we weren't able to have a real conversation. but then yesterday, unexpected things do happen. it wasn't planned or anything. L, D, C, P and I were the last ones to go home. so they decided to eat while D was waiting for someone. we went to Jabee to wait. at first, we were not talking but as an hour went by, he eventually started to warm up to me. we were just talking and it was a Good thing because B told me through SMS the other day that I had made my deep impression(not good) to P.

well, i'd rather have friendship than nothing at all.

just like what Sigmund Freud says, "the most puzzling thing about human beings are their conscious effort to be remotely connected w/ their object of affection even if it kills them slowly within." i'm actually being profiled.

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Wednesday, April 23, 2008

depressed for four days now...

i haven't seen him since last sunday. i am so freaking depressed. i know he is on leave.. but still... so i am wearing black since sunday. it suits my mood and state of mind. i may laugh on the outside but deep inside i feel empty. i wanted to call him so badly. but i am afraid he would reject it. there are so many what ifs right now. what if he would cancel my call... or worse ignore it. what if he would get angry because i called... or worse cut off our friendship. shit! the pain is so unbearable and dulling.

sometimes i wonder if it is worth it.. all the price i have to pay.

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Sunday, April 20, 2008

look mommy!!! i know how to do it!!! at last!!!!!

i am sooooo damned late in everything. my interest right now is configuring photo shop... my first try with the help of D...... and i have here a result!!!!!!! congrats to myself.









oooohhhh..... we look so good..... hehehehehehe just LOVE it!!!!!!!

i'm going to try more thingS!!!!!

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Saturday, April 19, 2008

yesterday once more...

so about yesterday...

D and I went to the mall to do some major makeover for her. well that was the main plan. but then plans were cancelled due to some very big reason(for me).

while we were eating on some resto, B, L, R and P went by.. so we just waved to them.. D and I thought that they would just pass by us since we all have different plans. surprisingly they backtrack and went in and chose this resto instead to eat. i was glad. i saw him... and.. well i saw him. i can't describe what i felt exactly.

they stopped by our table while R ordered for them. we were just chatting when B invited us to watch a movie with them. it was titled Forbidden Kingdom by Jet Li and Jacki Chan. we told them that we would think about it. they got their own table and ate their meal there. D and I were just chatting. so we decided to watch with them.. major makeover cancelled and planned it again for the next day.

the whole time we were together... we didn't talk... we just talked when we said our goodbyes..

i felt... hurt. and discarded.

i know i don't mean anything to him but... i rest my case.

as the song says "...i'll just keep on dreaming till' my heartaches end..."

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Thursday, April 17, 2008

until the end part II

face it Maharet...

so i have a part 2 of my never ending saga...
but the characters are now different.
and this is just through SMS

(B) it's true girl, we really almost quarrelled over you...
(me) hello?? i didn't asked you or anybody to make a joke out of it or make fun him because of it
(B) nah... that's how it works... he is so fond of mocking people but he gets angry when he is the one being mocked
(me) i even told LC to stop it earlier. she just keeps on mocking us just because we're talking
(B) i think he is just afraid because he is gay and he really doesn't like the idea about you know what.
(me) change topic

well this is not verbatim.. this is just the gist of it..

right now were not talking. he looked really yummy today wearing that yellow shirt. for me he would looked good with anything.

i'm just really depressed right now. but never show it to them. they won't understand. and they have a longer friendship with him rather than with me. whatever.

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a new beginning...

so, i just cut my hair short. straightened it for that hell of it. kinda looks like this...









OK!!!! i admit it!!!!!! i actually chose this haircut because i loved the drama of it.. and he is one of my favorite characters. so sue me! hehehehehehe

one reason i also did a major change on my hair because i wanted to start something right and new. i wanted to be more confident on being me... someone you would like more and someone you would try to love. damn. who am i kidding.


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Tuesday, April 15, 2008

until the end...

(me) what do you think? should i court him??? i mean he is gay and all that but hey... maybe we don't know...

(L) do you really wanna know the truth? we almost fought because of you. he doesn't like it. he doesn't want to remember what happened. we almost fought over you.

(me) really? wow.

(L) i'm sorry but i need to tell you the truth about this situation ok?

(me) don't worry about that. at least i know and i'm not blind about the situation.

-= OUT =-

====================================================================

need i say more? sometimes you just need to give up even if it's early.. the fight hasn't even begun yet and i lost it already.

love sure is a roller coaster. sometimes you just wanted to do everything but what about his happiness??? what if his happiness means that you are not included on it? should you pursue it?

i'm out of my league once again.

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Wednesday, April 09, 2008

By: Kahlil Gibran

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.

Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh,
but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Posted by LyZa :: 4:42 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Woes....



i am hurting again....


they made fun of me.


is it really that big deal that i fell for you??


i am sorry if this is causing you a great deal of inconvenience.


my emotions are now ripped apart.


i guess i will continue loving you in silence.


Posted by LyZa :: 4:25 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

ravings of a drama queen





























it's not like i planned on it. it's not like i actually thought about it. it just happened. after 6 months of staying just above board i fell. i fell real hard again. i wasn't planning on telling anybody or you for that matter. it was just a spur of the moment. i don't know what happened to me. i don't know why i opened myself up again to this kind of emotions long buried.






you should be blamed. you should be hanged. i never thought i would feel again this way. i never thought it would go deeper. more than admiration. more than liking you. more than just thinking about you.







the signs were there. i missed you whenever i don't see you. just the sound of your sultry voice brought a smile to my face. just the mere touch of you makes me feel contented. there's always a hollow pit on my stomach when you don't talk to me. and now... today... worst came to worst... i actually felt an alien emotion just earlier. it crept up on me without even me knowing it. a bitch slap to my already emptied and confused heart. i actually felt a green monster gnawing at my chest when i saw you with her.













i will tell you now. i am insane.

Posted by LyZa :: 4:50 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Friday, April 04, 2008













summer time has finally come.

will i find my summer romance now?








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