Passing through life
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
it's so hard to move on. it's so hard to pretend. it's so hard to push through.
i thought i have learned many lessons in the past. not to fall deeply for a person. to have a standard in choosing someone. but this text message was right... it says "you don't choose someone you love because of his looks or brains. it's not a beauty pageant." correct. i didn't. i thought i learned never to give a 100%. never to make that person the center of my world.
but as usual, i'm just plain stupid. i ate my words again. even if i told myself so many times to move on i'm still thinking about Elbert. i'm still longing for him. i still keep on entertaining thoughts about him and me. i almost always need to control myself to talk about him. everytime i see him i just want to hug him tightly and just hold on.
he's not gorgeous or what. he doesn't have this great body i could drool on. he doesn't have the brains to challenge me to think more.. unlike bebeh that i need to think my replies deeply. honestly speaking, he doesn't have the X factor that usually makes me glance. let's just say he is one of the introvert types... a person i seldom get along with. oh, i'm not degrading him.
maybe i'm just intrigued by him. maybe because i can't have him made me fall hard. i don't know. i'm confused.
i can never admit that i love him so much. it's too much to handle. i already told him he is one of my bestfriends... another stupid move? if i won't do that, our friendship won't survive.
i miss him so much. i just so miss him.
i'm still loving him in silence. and i can't bear it any longer.
