Passing through life

Sunday, August 31, 2008

better to let him know than being in the dark for eternity

geez... nothing compares when you're under the influence of alcohol. you tend to tell people you're deepest, darkest secret. mine? that would be falling for the guy nobody thought i would fall for.. i dunno. i'm just so confused right now. i get jealous with him going out with another girl to the point that i lash out at him. be mean to him. i don't have the right... am i correct? i know i don't.


but in the end i texted him what i felt. he did not reply but that's ok. at least he knows about it. amd i don't have to pretend anymore. thank you for being my happiness right now. i do love you but i don't want to hurt you or hurt myself in the process. i love you... J.


Posted by LyZa :: 6:05 PM :: 0 Comments:

Post your shit

---------------oOo---------------

Friday, August 29, 2008

no more sorrow

pathetic.

i never knew that i would be seriously considering my feelings for you.

pathetic.

i did everything just to let you see how much you mean to me.

pathetic.

i saw you happy with that girl, so i\'m backing off right now.

pathetic.

hurt is eating my whole being right now. numbing me in every way possible.

pathetic.

can\'t you hear me screaming inside? can\'t you hear me begging you silently just to listen to me and love me even just a little... more than a little sister..

pathetic.

i guess not. i would not beg no more. no more. no more. no more.

maybe if i would say it more than once then it would come true that i would not love you anymore.


Posted by LyZa :: 6:30 PM :: 0 Comments:

Post your shit

---------------oOo---------------
no more sorrow

pathetic.

i never knew that i would be seriously considering my feelings for you.

pathetic.

i did everything just to let you see how much you mean to me.

pathetic.

i saw you happy with that girl, so i\'m backing off right now.

pathetic.

hurt is eating my whole being right now. numbing me in every way possible.

pathetic.

can\'t you hear me screaming inside? can\'t you hear me begging you silently just to listen to me and love me even just a little... more than a little sister..

pathetic.

i guess not. i would not beg no more. no more. no more. no more.

maybe if i would say it more than once then it would come true that i would not love you anymore.


Posted by LyZa :: 6:28 PM :: 0 Comments:

Post your shit

---------------oOo---------------

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

betrayal... is there an explanation for it?

these past few days has been hell for me. yeah, another ranting of a drama queen.

betrayal is such a devious bitch. you just wouldn't know when and how it would hit you. you may think and do everything for your friends but in the end all is not worth it. is it just too hard to understand that even though you didn't mean anything about what happened, still the hurt and damage would have been there? is sorry really enough? never would i have imagined crazy things can be done by people you actually open up your life to.

i do understand. but there is a big difference between understanding and accepting. in time, i may be able to reach out to you but right now the wounds are still too fresh to bear with. if i have known in the first place that you guys were actually seeing each other, i wouldn't bother to protect you girl. everything started because of that. i just wanted to protect you. big brother just wanted to protect us. but everything got out of hand.

i'm just so pissed off right now for the fact that i took part of your games. both your games. when i invited you.... you didn't bother to tell me that you already know about the invitation. i swallowed all the bullshit you told me: hook, line and sinker. are you laughing at me right now? are you laughing at us? because you know what, if you should have just told us that there's actually a game going on then what the hell! we would play with you! but instead, i gave you my respect, comforted you, introduced you to the people i know you would be in good hands with, loved you and cherished you as one of my good friends. and you know what hurts most... i thought you cared for me too. i thought you needed me. i thought you would see me as someone you can trust on. i guess i was wrong. again.

and again, you know what hurts me the most? the guy you are actually going out with... he may have said that i don't know him but i assure you girl, i do know him. i do know what he's capable of doing. and you chose him over us. don't blame me. i gave you all i had. i already told you about him and gave you all the good advices i know. the ball is in your court now.

you may not understand why i, all of us, are hurting right now. but in the end, you will realize the betrayal and pain you have inflicted upon us. you would experience it also and see our point of view.

and the greatest slap of all... both of you gave agony: physically, mentally and emotionally, to the people who actually gave me hope, understanding and acceptance. to the person you know, who is giving me happiness and joy.

i may laugh to cover up the pain you left girl, but every time i see his eyes masked with hurt and anger... you just don't know how it would hurt me ten times more than before.

and i am praying i would see him smile again; to see the purity of it. no more hurt, no more pain. and to see him back with his old self.


Posted by LyZa :: 7:17 AM :: 0 Comments:

Post your shit

---------------oOo---------------

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Addicted to Airsoft games

dang! it freakin' hurts!!!! but whatever!

i am so embarrassed!

to start off... after shift ( i admit.... lunch out) rhoi, danny and i went to Sinangag Express to eat and drink just one set of RH... not drunk but kinda tipsy since we haven't had any sleep yet.

we went back to sykes for me to log out and go with the sage people and play airsoft. kinda hesitant at first since i've been drinking. went in to talk to marky. he got mad because i was drinking, again. i promised him that this would be my last day to drink and smoke. and i havn't made that promise to anyone yet in my entire life. i promise people that i would try to quit but not really decide to quit. but with him... i just promised it directly. i am so gonna miss him.

rhoi was calling in the phone because i was late in meeting up with them downstairs... marky won't let me go but hey i already said i would go, right?

meet up with some people i know in this big old warehouse. kinda like the gangster movies you see in the tube. tried playing airsoft and damn! got addicted to it.

so right now, i'm planning to buy (hello daddy???) my own gun and gear. good thing dad is coming home even for just a while! hehehehehehe

body hurts but not as much as it hurts in football. got three hits in my body. one face hit but hey!!!!! it was all worth it. such an anti-stress reliever! *grinz

Posted by LyZa :: 7:06 PM :: 0 Comments:

Post your shit

---------------oOo---------------

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

no regrets, no what if's

whenever i think what we did, i would never regret the times i decided i would do it with you. not because i want to but because in the first time in my life i was able to experience such a thing and with the person who makes me happy right now! you don't have to be ashamed of. i don't have to be ashamed of. i told you how i felt. you know you're the one who makes me happy and not him, right? i may be tipsy that time but believe me... i knew what i was doing and was talking about. right now hon, i'm just so confused. not about what i feel for you but about my situation. with the other person... with people around us... with what you feel. we don't talk about what happened. we don't acknowledge that it really happened between us. what do you want me to do? pretend that it never happened??? again?

do you think that's fair? we're both consenting adults. just even the real score with me. you know i would understand, right? even if you would say that you like somebody else or that you only like me as a `lil sis or shumthing... you know i would understand it. it may be hard to accept but understanding is my forte.. and i would not love you less for that.. shit! did i just say love?!

do i? really know how to love? every time i see you, i just want to hug you and bury my face in your resounding embrace.

i'm tired of pretending that there's nothing wrong. tired of pretending about everything!

i need someone right now. you we're right hon.... i do need someone i can lean on... i'm about to scream my head off and just give up. when would be the right time i can say these line, "hey guys! it's my turn to be weak... i'm finally exhausted emotionally." and who would be the right person to say it?

are you willing to be that someone hon? i guess not.... i'm just a too much of a coward to ask you. chicken shit.

on the other side..... i finally have a shot of the people i call brothers... brothers, not by blood but by companionship and friendship.




so there's jay-jay, Bon-Bon and Bopeep..... wacky as ever! happiness and sorrow combined *wink

Posted by LyZa :: 2:40 PM :: 0 Comments:

Post your shit

---------------oOo---------------

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Many Faces of China and Japan



















































so there... whatever.

Posted by LyZa :: 5:16 PM :: 0 Comments:

Post your shit

---------------oOo---------------
recent events

omg! top team again for the month of june for three lines of business! and what else is new but hang out with our managers and supervisors again and this time in Marco Polo.

such a fun time to be with people on the top. great food. great ambiance. great people. what a life.



as usual, it was a night to remember. especially after the dinner with the after dinner celebration with Louie and Jay. Meet up with some friends and just hang out and drink the night away.


just loved the thought of nothing to think about.

Posted by LyZa :: 5:08 PM :: 0 Comments:

Post your shit

---------------oOo---------------