Passing through life
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
betrayal... is there an explanation for it?these past few days has been hell for me. yeah, another ranting of a drama queen.
betrayal is such a devious bitch. you just wouldn't know when and how it would hit you. you may think and do everything for your friends but in the end all is not worth it. is it just too hard to understand that even though you didn't mean anything about what happened, still the hurt and damage would have been there? is sorry really enough? never would i have imagined crazy things can be done by people you actually open up your life to.
i do understand. but there is a big difference between understanding and accepting. in time, i may be able to reach out to you but right now the wounds are still too fresh to bear with. if i have known in the first place that you guys were actually seeing each other, i wouldn't bother to protect you girl. everything started because of that. i just wanted to protect you. big brother just wanted to protect us. but everything got out of hand.
i'm just so pissed off right now for the fact that i took part of your games. both your games. when i invited you.... you didn't bother to tell me that you already know about the invitation. i swallowed all the bullshit you told me: hook, line and sinker. are you laughing at me right now? are you laughing at us? because you know what, if you should have just told us that there's actually a game going on then what the hell! we would play with you! but instead, i gave you my respect, comforted you, introduced you to the people i know you would be in good hands with, loved you and cherished you as one of my good friends. and you know what hurts most... i thought you cared for me too. i thought you needed me. i thought you would see me as someone you can trust on. i guess i was wrong. again.
and again, you know what hurts me the most? the guy you are actually going out with... he may have said that i don't know him but i assure you girl, i do know him. i do know what he's capable of doing. and you chose him over us. don't blame me. i gave you all i had. i already told you about him and gave you all the good advices i know. the ball is in your court now.
you may not understand why i, all of us, are hurting right now. but in the end, you will realize the betrayal and pain you have inflicted upon us. you would experience it also and see our point of view.
and the greatest slap of all... both of you gave agony: physically, mentally and emotionally, to the people who actually gave me hope, understanding and acceptance. to the person you know, who is giving me happiness and joy.
i may laugh to cover up the pain you left girl, but every time i see his eyes masked with hurt and anger... you just don't know how it would hurt me ten times more than before.
and i am praying i would see him smile again; to see the purity of it. no more hurt, no more pain. and to see him back with his old self.
