Passing through life
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Love + Pain= NumbnessPain can be numbing to the point of not feeling anything and then tears would flow without you knowing until you would taste the saltiness of a drop on your lips and then you would realize that whatever you do if it's not for you then it would never be for you.
I really don't care what people would say. I'm not jumping from one person to another. I never said i loved those people. Yes, maybe i did have feelings for them. Not deep enough though to say that i fell in love with them. I never said i loved them in the first place. Yes, i get hurt. But even with friends you do get hurt. What's the difference with that?
This is first time i ever admitted to myself and to others that I do love a person. I love him to the point that his happiness is my happiness. To the point that I do everything for him; not to love me back but just to see him happy and that would make me happy in retrospect.
And then realization settles in. Pain, hurt and numbness combined. No, not because he can't love me back. I never did assume or hoped he would love me back. No surprises there. I never expected he would reciprocate any feelings i have for him. Never expect anything so you wouldn't get hurt in the end. That has always been on my mind from the very beginning when i admitted my feelings to myself.
Pain? Because i forgot about myself.
Hurt? Because i understand and accept the situation.
Numb? cause and effect of pain, love and hurt blended into one.
(just you Choi. just you)
I really don't care what people would say. I'm not jumping from one person to another. I never said i loved those people. Yes, maybe i did have feelings for them. Not deep enough though to say that i fell in love with them. I never said i loved them in the first place. Yes, i get hurt. But even with friends you do get hurt. What's the difference with that?
This is first time i ever admitted to myself and to others that I do love a person. I love him to the point that his happiness is my happiness. To the point that I do everything for him; not to love me back but just to see him happy and that would make me happy in retrospect.
And then realization settles in. Pain, hurt and numbness combined. No, not because he can't love me back. I never did assume or hoped he would love me back. No surprises there. I never expected he would reciprocate any feelings i have for him. Never expect anything so you wouldn't get hurt in the end. That has always been on my mind from the very beginning when i admitted my feelings to myself.
Pain? Because i forgot about myself.
Hurt? Because i understand and accept the situation.
Numb? cause and effect of pain, love and hurt blended into one.
(just you Choi. just you)
